I was just coming out of the construction on IH 10, communicating with God in silence and forcing my thoughts and prayers up through the sunroof. That’s when I realized I took the wrong exit and turned around on the bridge in front of Frost Bank.
That’s also when I noticed the giant neon sign in the CVS parking lot.
Now I can’t get it out of my mind.
Sitting across from three interviewers, I steadied my knees under the table as I braced myself for the questions.
The director began, “I read through your profile and wanted to talk a little bit more about your responses.”
I figured this was coming. I over share. I tell too much. I am compulsively obsessed with trying to explain the whole truth, often times sharing more information than what’s probably necessary. It’s the Jim Carey, “I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a red light…” syndrome.
I think it’s good to be open.
As I considered what to say next, I ran my pointer finger in circles and rubbed the condensation that collected at the top of the sparkling water.
Do you want the real answers or the right answers? I wondered.
When I did that, I decided to go with real.
Real answers give God the most glory.
Real answers remind me of just how far I’ve come.
Miraculously carried on some days.
Real answers can make some people very uncomfortable. Not these people, I hoped, but the ones who don’t believe the same way we do. Believe me, I never thought I’d see the day when I’d become a person who was passionate about a life with Jesus.
I was the girl who would rather hear the spine shivering sounds of nails on a chalk board than listen to someone carry on about God. I had care and compassion for pretty much everyone except someone trying to pass a bible tract through the screen door. Religion was for the weak and delusional.
Except that when nothing else seemed to fill that nagging void, Jesus did.
Except when I had nowhere else to turn, I found power in that name.
When I find myself in a situation that feels uncomfortable or off, I turn inward. One of my favorites, Andy Stanley says, “Pay attention to the tension.” His Your Move podcast is one of the best I’ve ever heard. He gets right to the word and talks as fast as I do. I love it!
I will not likely ever hand someone a three-step pamphlet on salvation. But I can’t seem to stop myself from talking about the life giving stories I’ve read and the life changing times when I’ve experienced a presence like no other.
When there are so many terrible situations around us, peace can still be found within us.
It is a glimmer of hope when it all looks hopeless, a new perspective on what is important. A new direction on which way to go when we’re making big neon decisions.
I’m not always good at it, and often times fail miserably, but I do try to find the real answers, the ones that might show the most honor to myself, my girls and my God.